3 Easy Ways You Can Instantly Create Serenity
Today is the last day of my 47th year. I had many expectations for this past year, and Man oh Man, it did not disappoint. It was my first year with my son living on his own, and along with that came a flood of creative energy, more than I have ever experienced. I guess all my energy that was going into daily mom stuff had to go somewhere, so it went into: leaving my town of 25 years to move in with my boyfriend and really committing to a long-term relationship, selling my business of 9 years, starting 2 new businesses, working a new part-time job, forming a little band with my girlfriends and last but definitely not least, forming my first non-profit organization, Driven by Heart Scholarships.
Why did I have high hopes for my 47th year? One reason being, in numerology you add the 4 and 7 together, which makes 11. This is the number of MANIFESTATION, and the other reason being is that I really needed a distraction from my empty nest grief. So why not hunker down and re-create myself, time for a rebirth? But because of all these changes in a relatively short amount of time, the end of the year found me kind of reeling from all of the stimulation and activity. I started to feel this urge to take a break from life as I know it, slow down and reflect. I couldn’t stop thinking about my father’s story of how he didn’t talk to anyone for a whole month in high school. He did write some notes, but can you imagine what that would be like, not to talk to anyone for 30 days?! It actually sounds kind of dreamy to me. I really want to try that sometime, but maybe when I am a very old woman.
Why does this idea appeal to me so much? Well I realized towards the end of last year that I have perceived a lot of struggle around my spoken voice my whole life. You could say I was bullied. Some of the messages I received about my voice throughout my life included, “What’s wrong with her, why doesn’t she talk?” When I did start talking, they said I didn’t talk right so off to speech classes I went. “You sound like a mouse”, the kids would say all the time. Then in my twenties and thirties, I felt like it was a constant struggle to be taken seriously as an adult because my voice still sounded like a child’s. Now that I am partially deaf and frankly don’t give a shit anymore, people tell me I am too loud all the time. So screw it, maybe the Universe is trying to tell me that talking is over-rated anyway, and that I should spend my energy and time focusing on other things.
My personal and spiritual practice is to look at my struggles as areas that need clarity, and I usually discover that I am not honoring myself in some way (meaning out of integrity) or I am allowing someone else to not honor me. So, I decided to speak less for awhile to see if I can better hear my voice that doesn’t speak: my intuition, my spirit, my inner fool, my beginner’s mind, my dreams for the world, my drive to write/sing/dance, my inner child that isn’t done playing. From this, my true self will emerge even clearer and stronger, with more to give back to the world that has given me this lesson.
And if you haven’t heard yet, Your True Self is all the rage this New Year!
And just this simple act has already begun to create more relief, clarity and SERENITY in my life!
Serenity is defined as: the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled. Sounds good to me!
I came up with this to do list for this year and want to share it with YOU because I have a feeling I’m not the only one looking for more Serenity! I PROMISE, this list is EASY.
3 Easy Ways You Can Instantly Create Serenity:
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Talk less, Listen More
I should clarify, this one is easy in theory but in practice seems to be challenging for most humans. My tolerance for being interrupted, not listened to, dismissed in conversation, repeating myself over and over, people getting offended or misinterpreting what I am trying to say before trying to comprehend or just general rudeness in conversation is quickly approaching zero. One great thing about menopause is that your bullshit detector gets very accurate, Ain’t nobody got time for that! But before I try to put everyone in their polite place, let me just take a breath. Maybe a really long breath, and there, the moment passed. I didn’t really need to say anything after all. I’m starting to find it humorous when I think of how hard I have tried to be heard over the years. This is one of the ego’s tricks, always making us think that what we have to say is so important. But in reality, everyone probably feels this way. I’ve decided that if I want to be better listened to, then I need some practice myself. This will relieve a lot of the struggle that exists in social situations for me.
Here are a couple of examples:
I got to spend a lot of time with my son over the holidays, which was the best present ever! I am beyond proud of him in many ways, but I experienced a new source of pride from this recent time together. Not long after he came over, he communicated in a respectful way that I needed to stop interrupting him. He informed me that it was my 3rd time interrupting him since he got there. I hadn’t realized I had been doing it, and i just listened to what he was trying to tell me instead of getting defensive. He was right. This seemed kind of hard for him to do, but he knows parents are good subjects for practicing brutal honesty. My son showed real courage, and I respect him for that. If I hadn’t shut up and listened, I might have compromised the health and integrity of our relationship. He perfectly encapsulated these words from Paul Ferrini:
“I pledge that I will no longer betray or violate myself in any relationship. I will communicate how I think and honestly feel, with compassion for the other, however, without attachment to how s/he receives my comments. I trust that by telling the truth and honoring myself, I find peace, and my TRUE SELF. I will no longer try to make a personal or professional relationship work by sacrificing myself in trying to meet someone else’s needs.”
Also, on Christmas Eve, my family and my boyfriend’s family all got together for the first time at our house. Throughout the night, I practiced not saying anything after noticing my desire to repeat myself, talk louder or interrupt, just to be heard. This little exercise got me out of my own head, making it easier to listen and get to know the new family members. One of my boyfriend’s nephews doesn’t speak, never has, due to a congenital disease. What I found very interesting and beautiful about this young man is that he didn’t need words. His family knew what he needed, and they love him very much.
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Talk less, Read and Write More
After not finishing a book almost all of last year, I have read 3 books in the last month! I’ve been choosing books that keep me in a positive mindset, reinforce transforming beliefs and keep my enthusiasm for life on fire. In the past month, I have also written my first blog in over 6 months and crazy amounts of content for my websites.
How did I find the time for these things? I told my family and friends that I am taking a month off from social activities and phone calls. Just cutting back on these two things has made it very easy for me to TALK LESS! Not to mention, it has saved me a lot of money!
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Talk less, Dream More
I have always been a HUGE daydreamer, and one of the books I just read confirmed the value of this practice. In, You are a Badass at Making Money by Jen Sincero, she makes the point that when we are dreaming, it is important to visualize and imagine specifics so that you have an emotional charge behind your desire to feed your thoughts and actions, which in turn will ultimately help to manifest your dreams. At the same time, though, she says “you must also stay open to allow Universal Intelligence to deliver what you need, and the thing or person or opportunity that makes your heart sing may be in a different form than the one you were thinking”.
Singing hearts makes me recall my favorite story of personal manifestation. The year was 2005, and I had just opened a drive-thru coffee and juice biz with my mom. I took myself to a bluegrass festival one weekend to get away from everything. The weekend consisted of a deep submersion of soul-stirring music and left inside me a strong determination to learn the banjo. The banjo has always made my heart sing, but up until that moment, I didn’t think I could learn a musical instrument I tried the guitar in middle school, and it was hard! However, the Universe was yelling at me, “Get over it Girl!”
So, I started telling people at the drive-thru that I was going to learn the banjo! Some would ask, “Do you have a banjo?” I would tell them, “No, but I will get one soon!” I really believed this with my whole heart and body because my soul was demanding it. My desire inside was becoming a dictator of sorts. I could see myself holding it and trying to pick it, and that felt good! Well, a couple of weeks later, my mother’s friend (who happened to be an antique picker) showed up at the drive-thru with a cheap but functional banjo. I traded him $45 worth of cappuccinos for that banjo and went on to write my first half a dozen songs with it.
You have to keep the faith and believe good things are coming your way!
Jen Sincero also says in her book, “to fall in love with your desires because love is your greatest weapon against your limiting subconscious beliefs. Love is all consuming, it muscles its way in front of all other thoughts and emotions, including all the fear, doubt, and worry buried in your subconscious mind.”
“And that’s all I’m gonna say about that.” Forrest Gump